A first.

Hey, everyone!

I am back with a happy announcement. So, I graduated a month back – the medical school has finally ended. I started this blog just when I started my medical school and of all the destruction that was made, this sphere remained constant throughout the journey. Therefore, I thought it important to share this tiny milestone here. No more an undergrad, the feeling is pretty liberating.

Thank you for sticking along!

P.S I will resume sharing here again once I get back my will to express.



Sidra Amin: “When you love what you’re doing, you never really get tired!”

My friend making me proud like always.


Sidra Amin, Co-founder, Peshawar Book Club and Overseer, Young Women Writers’ Forum (YWWF) – Pakistan, talks about her career, passion and various literary activities she happily indulges into in this exclusive interview with MOIWrites


1. Tell us about yourself?

It is very hard to talk about yourself when it is not being done in metaphors and there’s a word limit. I am just a 22-year-old, trying to impact everyone’s perception of planet earth and earthlings by focusing on empathy and kindness. I talk a lot, and I am very loud when I know I am making sense. I usually smile a lot, and it is not on purpose.

Currently, I am leading Young Women Writers’ Forum, Pakistan which is working to empower women writers in Pakistan. I am also a co-founder at Daastan, an award-winning literary platform working towards promoting and publishing literature. I co-founded Peshawar Bookclub and Words &…

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Last conversation

He asked me
how much I loved him?
and I didn’t know
For the sea can not see
its other end,
For the oceans never know
its vastness & depth.
He asked me
should he stay?
And I didn’t know
how to answer,
For my breathes lived
in his glowing smile.
My memory searched
for his deep warmth.
And my soul –
It always holds onto his touch.
He asked me
what is my love?
And I couldn’t answer
in mere words
and simple syllables.
So, I tried
to write his name
on the morning breeze
and on the roaring waves
But the air doesn’t listen
and the water is wild.
Bewildered & confused,
looking into his eyes
I pointed to the sky
a shooting star over our heads
I wished him for me,
his name with mine –
for now & forever.
Because the sky is generous
and it never forgets
all the gazes that fall upon it
the hopes and the prayers
that are made, while being lost
in its glory.
And I know it
One fine night
when he’ll believe in me
and my love for him,
when he’ll listen to my voice
in his beating chest,
Then will be the time
when all the stars will twinkle
and the sky will write
my love, up above,
on its corners & horizons
for him to see, to read
and feel
my sacred love
in his running blood
and beaming lips.
– H

It has been very exhausting.

I might sound incoherent in my sentences today but boy oh boy, it has been a very long while!

SO many and just SO many things happened.

It was the last year of medical school and it has been done and dusted, finally! YES. I AM NO MORE AN UNDERGRAD.

I started this blog when I didn’t even yet enter the medical school and it has been quite a journey till then..Ah.

I’ll try to summarize everything up.

  1. My medical school ended, I am no more an undergrad and finally got done with it. Wooho. The final year was SHIT in every aspect of this very word. In terms of friends and in terms of relation, it was the worst ever year of my life. (I’ll do another series of posts where I’ll tell what I learnt from each year of the medical school, so you are in for a treat)
  2. After 5 years, I was screwed and dumped by a dickhead who just fed his insecurities and complexes by being related to me for that long and making me go through shit, suffer and torture in the name of love. Ah, the shit that we take and the many hells that we go through because we think we are in love.
  3. Dickheads often try to shape you into something you’re not, and make you put up with things you shouldn’t when your inside voice is saying ‘WTF?!’ That’s not how relationships should be. I suffered for 5 fucking years (DUDE, that’s the whole of my medical school’s time, lol) because of an asshole whose very existence is something I don’t even want to be mentioned about. The time that I could have spent in my personal growth, with my family, my friends – all that time and energy went into the dustbin because I was a fucking fool and a blind, ah.
  4. The damage is irreparable. In the name of love, he installed negativity and hatred in me. There is not even a single moment that I can recall which is worth cherishing and it is the saddest realization because I suffered and tolerated way too much and too long in this toxic bond that left me nothing but with insecurities from head to toe along with emotional, psychological and mental fatigue.
  5. I hit the rock bottom and battled my way through depression for the whole of 2017 and some of 2016 all alone, no family, no friends, no nothing.
  6. Break up is devastating and heart-wrenching. Nevertheless, like every failure – you may lose in heart, but you gain in the soul. You will be much more convincing as an individual and learn to deal with the melancholy of life with dignity. It gives you enormous strength to face life, even if it hits you hard. After all, you survived a breakup. I would like to tell the boys that when your ego is hurt because a girl rejects to put up with your psycho existence just take a bandage from the next medicine shop or get first aid but for fuck sake don’t creep her out by imposing your opinions on her.
  7. Forgiving is a strength. Not everyone can forgive, it requires lots of courage and maturity to grow beyond silly manifestations of greatness. I have not reached that level yet, I might do, someday. But today is not that day.
  8. Final prof was the hardest and the most exhausting. I was so distracted. I struggled. The course was as always shit loads but the long and painful span of 6 months of preps and exams just cut you into pieces, I would wish to survive only, I am glad I did.
  9. I would like to take this moment and tell all the cheaters and all the assholes, the fuckboys and the douchebags – there is no pride in dumping someone, karma is a bitch, it comes back and bites you in your arse and if not exactly you, it will make you suffer via the people that are closest to you; your mom, dad, siblings, pet, anyone and anything and then in the silence of night you’ll be miserable just like that someone you cheated on – watch out! Boy, bye.
  10. I turned 24, hehe. My birthday was on the very same day when I had my most horrendous paper and boy I legit thought it is going to be your death day but ya girl made her way through it and was quite relieved because the exam was amazing, thanks to my HOD for the best treat in the form an easy paper.
  11. You know when you spend 4/5 years together, so many faces come up, so many schemes open up and so many facts are learnt – about people, about life, about every aspect, medical school was a ride!
  12. This year was not very good in terms of friends, so many real faces came up and honestly, I am so eternally, royally and extremely happy to be finally out of that hell-hole and not be obliged to entertain the fake hypocrites with an even fake smile, ah, God! Thank you very much.
  13. I lost faith in many people and really I don’t give a fuck anymore, I have given up on 99% of the people I was putting up with because of the circumstances and I could not be any happier, oh my gosh, what a liberating feeling is this, I can not put it in words.
  14.  I love surgery and no power in this world can stop me from flaunting my scalpel really soon, not even the many hurdles everyone is putting me through by emphasizing it is only a male dominant field (YA GIRL WILL PROVE HER FEMININITY LMAO) Nothing can stop me from living my dreams and goals.
  15. It sounds wanky, but you do find out that being happy really is about loving yourself, not being loved by someone else. It’s only through rebuilding your life after hitting rock bottom thanks to that dickhead you realise this one important fact that will shape your future relationships. It almost makes being with that tool worthwhile. Almost.
  16. From the day we were born until now, we have met a lot of people. Some of them stay with us through the good and the bad, while some just come around when they need something from us. It’s not possible to keep everyone; the chemistry can stray away or you might outgrow each other. That’s okay. Keep the real ones for life and you will have some amazing friendships—even if you can only count how many genuine friends you have with one hand. (I have like… 2 only????)
  17. Apart from the rough phases, I had amazing trips, wonderful opportunities in literary fields and others and I did many things in the quest of my passions about which I am proud.
  18. I am not as much in a bad shape as I was. I am progressing and fighting the depression quite well and it has improved a lot.
  19. In order to deal with difficult experiences, realize that you can’t simply get over it, or pretend that it never happened. You instead learn to cope with it.
  20. Bad people aren’t hunched over in alleyways with an evil glare in their eyes, plotting your demise. They can be anyone. Likewise, people who seem untrustworthy can be some of the kindest. Get to know people and go with your gut. Don’t beat yourself up when your gut is wrong.
  21. Honestly, you can pray 5 times and not drink or smoke but if you are a CHUTYA and you fuck it up deliberately after years, you are a CHUTYA – please nothing can change that and don’t’ even try. Nobody gives a rat’s ass about your piousness.
  22. There are people who just won’t like you no matter what you do. You do not have to be an asshole in return. But hey! Don’t just suffer like that, simply show them the exit door.
  23. Periods are a part of life. Don’t buy into the mentality that they’re gross or something to be hidden and ashamed of. People who find entertainment by bringing others down and making the joke out of them should stay the fuck away at an arm’s distance from me.
  24. Grades matter and studying since day one matter as well so next time someone says any of these two things doesn’t matter ask them to fuck off right away and return to your study table. Work hard, your fucking ass off and make things happen.
  25. Friendships limited to Instagram, Facebook, and Snapchat are nothing but a virtual reality. When you need someone to talk to and when you are looking for someone to celebrate with, nothing replaces human interaction. Your friends are the people you make time to see, have long conversations with, rejoice and grieve with. If someone tries to put knots on your tongue and barriers in the use of language, you are better off them. Life is too short to be thoughtful of what to say and what not to just to meet others standards in times when an expression is the only key to sanity.
  26. Exercise! Our bodies are our sanctuaries. They deserve to be looked out for in every way possible. If we don’t do enough for them by the time we’re 24 then we’re only tearing them down for the future.
  27. Don’t let anyone manipulate your principles. They are principles for a reason. If they are subject to change, then you need to re-evaluate what’s important to you.
  28. I read a long time ago that in this moment, you are the oldest you’ve been and the youngest you’ll be again. Appreciate where you are in life and celebrate!
  29. Your parents are extremely important and your family matters. Everything else is secondary.
  30. Be kind, be very kind! See you soon for many other posts and being regular here – take care.

Quick update.

Doing this since so many fellow bloggers left me comments about why am I out of sight. (Did you think I died, huh?)

  1. Final year medical school exam in 2 months, I am DYING. (read it again, yes, it is real)
  2. I HATE final year at the moment. (Don’t disagree, I hate you too.)
  3. I didn’t die yet but can’t be sure about it after two months. (Mamamamama!)
  4. I am always stressed out, panicking, cranky, filled-up-about to cry… sshhh, DON’T TALK TO ME, DON’T TOUCH ME, DON’T COME NEAR ME.
  5. I am the whiniest, chicken, freaked out, stressed and cranky medical student in the history of whiny, chicken..jshdudnska… ugh, lost the track.
  6. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME THAT I DO WELL AND ACE IT. Please. This means everything to me, every single thing. Will give you a cookie.
  7. Hello.
  8. I am funny, no? Say yes.


For years,
I fought recklessly
to fit my bones into the skeleton
that will tempt you the most.

Those summer afternoons spent,
Struggling in front of the mirror
rubbing my mascara & blush
drawing the image you wanted to see.

Through springs & winters,
Fighting depression, tears
relapses, anxiety and more –
dangling in a vicious cycle.

All this labour, facade & pain,
Just to be liked by you
so the false wave of acceptance
from your gaze,
surging down my empty spine
could comfort me to the core.

And even though I beg you,
For your love & touch
my insecure parts are still aching
in the same bony cage,
unfed & despised – the scars shine brightly.

So, do I collect myself?
Gather all these pieces
jot into one whole human
stand tall on my own.

Or do I return back?
To the same misery
that connects me to you
feeds my doubts
leaves me crippled for days
my limbs numb & feelings dead.

The night is dark
heart – broken
spark – crimson
waves – silent
but somebody whispers,
so much to endure just in the name of love.