So, hey. I had nothing to do with my life hence I thought why not come here, lol, eh.

Man, the last I checked, time was MOVING. But not only it has started running rather it’s on a marathon. 2014, already the end and it was like yesterday I was greeting, Hey! Happy 2k14. Like, duh.

I don’t know what this year brought in my life but one thing I am certain about, out of all the 21 years I have had so far on the planet earth, this year taught me VOLUMES!

I feel like I have lived my entire life in it. Just a while back I was going through some old pictures and it hit me so hard, right in the gut, to have seen faces which are not a part of my life anymore; who once claimed to be a constant, wow. We all get lost once in a while, sometimes by choice, sometimes due to forces beyond our control. When we learn what it is our soul needs to learn, the path presents itself. Sometimes, we see the way out but wander further and deeper despite ourselves; the fear, the anger or the sadness preventing us returning. Sometimes, we prefer to be lost and wandering, sometimes it’s easier. Sometimes, we find our own way out. But regardless, we are always found.

I wouldn’t say I don’t have regrets, I do. But not the kind which would churn up your stomach and heart together so much that you forget which is which, which give you sleepless nights and restless days and a gust of all that in between. I do have regrets, yes, but the ones which made me learn from my experiences. Which made me understand life itself. Which taught lessons for my whole lifetime. Have you ever done something that you wish you could change? Or wanted to take back something you said? Everyone has moments like these in their life. In reality, there’s no way to live a perfect life – it just is not possible. It’s part of being a living, breathing human being in the world. You will mess up, and that’s okay. It’s okay because everyone does – we all make mistakes. It’s just part of being a person in the world. So the first thing you can do is rid yourself of the notion that it’s possible to live a life without regrets. We all have regrets. It is human and normal!

But maybe there is a way things can be different, or better for you. Maybe, you can live your life where you feel confident in your choices, as if you did things the way you wanted to. Maybe instead of no regrets, you could live your life full of contentment in the choices you made and have understanding and compassion when things don’t go the way you want? Aim for a life where you have done things the way you wanted to and behaved in ways where you feel proud of yourself.

This year has been so unexpected. From losing the ones who always chanted, “I’ll be forever there for you”, to getting the new faces so close to heart, from getting my heart being wrecked over and over again to getting closer to the only ONE who created me, from the ups, the downs, the sad and happy times, to the many bitter happenings and learning huge volumes to all that comes with life in its package of living; this year has been such a roller coaster, such an emotional ride. If nothing else, it’s safe to say, I have learnt, I have grown, I have strengthened, I have changed – all for the greater good.

Life changes. You get all lined up just the way you like it, and then something beyond your control comes along and bumps you off center. How nice it would be if you could get anything just the way you want it and say, “okay, now stay.” But nothing stays the same. You grow up, make friends, lose friends, go to college, lose track of people, meet new ones, and sometimes you ask yourself why. But all I can tell you is the every single experience you go through like this has changed you in some way. Every new person who comes into your life changes you. Every moral dilemma or emotional experience you come up against changes you. It’s your job to decide how. That’s how character is developed.

Each of us have memories. Good ones and sad ones. Unfortunately, our mind is mostly filled with the sad ones. It’s easier to keep sad memories because it comes with a scar. Good memories come with laughters and they all fade away. Every night, before we sleep, we have to remember all these sad memories because before we sleep, we think about people we care about and miss, but we lost the chance of holding again. Nobody really wants to forget these memories, but nobody wants to remember them either.

I learnt so much that the other day while I was washing my face in the toilet, I came up with a loooong list. (Yes, the best ideas still come while you’re in the washroom, lol)

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt,  just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone…

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

7.  Don’t compare your  life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all  about.

8.  If a relationship has to be a secret, you  shouldn’t be in it.

9. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.

10. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

11. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.

12. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

13. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

14.  When it comes to going after what  you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

15.  Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.  Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

16. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

17. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

18. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

19. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’

20. Always choose life.

21. Forgive everyone everything.

22. What other people think of you is  none of your business.

23. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

24. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

25. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

26. Believe in miracles.

27. Pray, a lot, a lot. you’ll be soothed.

28.  Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it  now..

29. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

30. Cry with someone. It’s more healing  than crying alone.

31. A guy will come in your perfectly moving life, he’ll screw you over and over again, he’ll make you a wreck and you’ll feel like a loser but that’s absolutely okay because this experience is going to make you stronger, better, brighter. You’ll emerge as a queen from this disastrous happening, you’ll get the best, you’ll be the best so that he’ll long for you, the same him, you’ll be a winner; don’t cry over him in the dark silent nights on the other side of the bed, putting the muffler in your mouth to slower the volume of your sighs, just don’t.

32. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

33. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours  back.

34. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

35. The best is yet to come.

36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up  and show up..

37. Yield. Respect your parents. Be the best, do the best, stay positive, live life to its fullest.

38. It’s okay that you were vulnerable, you were walked over by people, you lost many hands, you were labeled bad, you were targeted; it is all okay. What goes around comes around too.

39. In order to see your friends, you actually have to make an effort to see your friends.

40. Your parents are actually the coolest people ever and you’d trade anything to hang out with them all the time.

41. You don’t have to be a gourmet chef, but being able to not burn down your house every time you enter the kitchen is a necessary life skill.

42. In between disappointing your parents, which will usually at some point be inevitable, take the time to appreciate them and tell them how much they mean to you.

43. Occasionally, take the time to do absolutely nothing but indulge yourself. Rest, relax, recharge your batteries. Have a long hot bath, read a book, sleep all day.

44. Learn to be comfortable in your own skin, and being alone with yourself

45. Learn to say no, to yourself and to others.

46. Get rid of that one rude, inconsiderate friend who makes your time together a chore.

47. You’ll have regrets, make mistakes, fell down, go down the steep and all that is ugly but it’s okay because you’re a human and it’s life.

48. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

49. Learn to appreciate. Find the goods in others. Stop digging negativity everytime and in everyone and everywhere.

50. Just remember one thing: God is with you. He will make everything beautiful at the right place, at the right time.

It’s going too much so I’d shut up…lol.

Hey, did I tell you, it was my blog’s birthday in the past days, yep. It turned two. Happy Birthday, to the only place/person/feeling/child/caretaker and other more labels (yes, this thing is connected to me deeply in many forms and versions). It turned 2. TWO whole years of blabbering and improving and ranting and telling and maybe inspiring(?) and teaching and typing and all that comes in the sitting.

Coming back to it, you’re old enough now to learn the most important lesson in life: you cannot count on anyone except yourself. You cannot count on anyone except yourself.It’s sad but true. The sooner you learn it, the better. Let the number of people you can trust must never outgrow the fingertips in your hand.

Your first love is not always your true love. Love makes us grow & mature. We learn to love better as we continue to live our lives. We often get hurt by our first love and experience true love in the person who teaches us to move on. It struck me right in the throat that the wrecked heart and torn soul would be healed and mended by the one for whom they are meant to be connecting for good. Yes. Strengthen the faith. Courage, dear heart, courage! A lot of it, too much. And the harsh reality of life is that you are going to hurt. You’re going to cry over a silly boy- your heart’s going to be broken. But you have to pull yourself together so people don’t see how vulnerable you are because once people see vulnerability, they take advantage of you. And the whole process starts all over again.

Maybe just maybe, not all guys are the same; maybe the guy you’re meant to be with, the guy that you’re meant to hear the words, “I love you” from is right in front of you. Sitting back and waiting for just the right moment to come in and sweep you off your feet. Maybe if you decide right now that all guys are the same; you’re blowing this guy’s heart into pieces cause he thinks he won’t have a chance; so therefore, he won’t come in and make a single move. Maybe you should just simply let things fall into place for you. Forgetting all the people who’ve hurt you in the past, and forgiving all those who are willing to prove to you that you’re worth it. But then again, maybe I’m wrong. Who knows.

What I’ve learned is not to change who you are, because eventually, you’re going to run out of new things to become.

Life is unfair, first you have to accept that. Start writing 5 things every day that you are grateful for and you’ll start looking for the better things in life rather than find something wrong with everything. When you stop trying to find happiness and start creating your own, then you’ll truly be happy and you’ll see things start to go your way. You just need a positive attitude. Always remember,you are smart enough and beautiful enough to never be taken for granted and to never be anyone’s second best.

Make the best out of everything you have, live in the moment, stay lively, don’t repeat your mistakes, move smoothly.

Make goals, stick to them, don’t go back on your words; man up. Take chances. Lots of them. Because honestly, no matter where you end up, and with who, it always ends up just the way it should be. Your mistakes make you who you are. You learn to grow with each choice you make. Everything is worth it. Say how you feel-always. Be you, and be okay with it. It doesn’t matter what any other person thinks.

Let’s hope the coming year proves to be better than the one going, brings peace and a flexibility to make peace and settlement with the ongoing in our lives, brings much more of all that is positive. It’s your road, and yours alone. Others may walk it with you, but no one can walk it for you. Let’s make the journey better for ourselves, because I have to cope up if I fall and I’ll celebrate if I shine; let’s fight it for own self. There are speed bumps and sharp curves on every road and it complicates the trip, but it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the whole journey. Take the hard times with caution and savor the good ones. At the end of the day, we won’t remember the fights and drama. When we look back on our school days, we will think about all the fun we had with our sisters and how real God was (and is) in our lives.

Until again we meet or my life gets too useless and empty and I show up here,

Sending warm hugs, sheepish looks lol, positive wishes, positive vibes, tones of prayers, smiles, good thoughts and heaps of luck.


5 thoughts on “Bittersweet.

  1. Happy Birthday Blog! When our heart gets wrecked, it opens to let the Light come in and then we can get wrecked for God, the Source of Love, to overwhelm us with All Goodness! My heart broke into a million pieces and Love reached down and Jesus took what was broken and made it way better than the old! The Spirit of God poured Love into my heart until I thought I couldn’t stand it; I was overwhelmed and overcome and cried a river in amazement! As I was Touched by God, I cried rivers of tears of sadness and sorrow and grief and shame and regrets and loss until the river turned into the River of the Water of Life and now I live in awe and wonder! May you be blasted with True Love from your First Love: God! Thank you for sharing your heart so beautifully! May you be touched and made better than whole from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet! Be filled with Joy! You are loved! “You are precious in my eyes and honored and I Love you” says your Real Father

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