Retrospect

It took me a very long while to post it. Maybe because I didn’t want to face the reality or maybe I needed more time to collect myself. Anyway.
I love self-analysis. I love sitting along the old window’s rusted pane, looking over the past & getting hit hardly by regrets, well mostly.

This time it has been particularly different. Just a few days into it and I have already realized that 22 is a very fascinating age. I am a very giving person. I do not know how to play the chummy card. If you are known to me even in the slightest of ways and life hits you hard; I will be there for you. No matter if you are an old enemy or a rival; if you are at your lowest, you will find me beside you. This year, it has been particularly a very different experience. Now when I stand and look back; so many things have changed, so many friends have grown distant, so many bonds broken, so many ended. A lot happened.

But what I have learnt before turning 22 is that people change, life knocks you hard, your closest friends leave, your love life dissolves and one day you just end up sitting in your old dress on the floor of your corridor wondering; “What exactly happened?”

Seeing on what came and was dusted off, I realized, I have lost so much this year. A friend I cherished deeply who has been the closest and dearest of all since years, someone I believed I was in love with, a lot of self confidence, few trust bonds, many connections, so many people, a lot of faith, feelings & more. Yet here I am, almost whole and complete to myself. I think this is how it moves on, to lose and heal.

1. Guys suck, not all of them, just most of them. (Ok. Ignore it.) Ending a bad relationship is hard, but it’s the best thing to do. Getting help doesn’t mean you are weak and it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you.

2. Not having it all figured out by now is totally normal. Take risks, even if it’s just a small one. Being single can be awesome.

3. Choosing to put yourself first doesn’t make you selfish. Changing yourself for a boy will never turn out well. Being the best form of you, is the most amazing thing you can do.

4. Following your dreams can be difficult but you can’t let that stop you. Sometimes you just want to give up, and the choice about whether you do or not is YOURS. Be a good friend. It can be hard and sometimes you’ll make the wrong choice, but that’s okay.

5. Drinking a lot of water is the best habit. Don’t assume a guy wants to be with you, make sure you’re both on the same page from the get-go. Be smart with your money. Save and don’t get into credit card debt.

6. You can find everything you’ll ever need on Pinterest. Be safe, not just with sex but in all your risky business. You’ll never be able to please everyone. Be faithful to yourself and your beliefs then you won’t have any regrets.

7. Be the most amazing person you can. You only have 1 life, don’t live it with regrets; climb the mountain, jump out of the plane (with a parachute), ride the mechanical bull (or a real one if your prefer).

8. You know, you will lose. And you will lose some more. A friend. A relative. A dear and close companion. Your love. And everything precious. But it doesn’t end there although we think the otherwise.

9. Life is too short for having forceful bonding. You don’t like any intimacy, cut yourself off of it. Invest in yourself and your goals. Have an amazing career. Be the best in your profession. At least you can sleep with the satisfaction of excelling at what you selected for yourself, it feels great, you know.

10. You can’t control anyone but yourself. (This one I am still trying to accept and master.) A little bit of kindness goes a long way. There’s a reason why every culture and language in the world understands the meaning of a smile. Feeling sorry for yourself is a complete waste of time. If something isn’t going right in your life, getting up and making a conscious decision to do something about it is the only way to change it. Nothing lasts forever. (I know we wish our summer tans and that bag of spicy cheetos would, but sadly they never do.) Not everyone will like you. And that’s okay.

11. Stop looking back and replaying your regrets and mistakes. You can’t change the past no matter how bad you wish you could. So take those things and learn from them. Stop looking at where you’ve been, and focus on where you’ll go. Every single thing that has happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.

12. Some people think crying is a sign of weakness, but I disagree. Sometimes we just need to let it all out. It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. Don’t bottle up your feelings. It will only make you feel worse. Embrace your emotions and process your feelings. The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.

13. Worth does not come from things, it comes from inside. Your weight, appearance, exercise, food, etc. does not change how worthy you are. There are few friends with whom the friendship is not affected by time, if you connect after ages, you pick up from where you left. And then there are those who are going to be too busy for you. Get the hint.

14. Your elder sister will get married and you will have to do so many of the chores by your own self. She will not be physically around when you will screw up and get your heart broken by a guy or get a scolding from mom or burn your hand while baking and so, try to learn how to be independent.

15. If you get a chance to sleep early, do it. It was fascinating to stay up till late in younger years. It doesn’t seem to be as appealing now. Every friendship has its ups and downs. Some make it through, some don’t. The ‘difficult phase’ is inevitable. Friends are going to disappoint every now and then and maintaining friendships could sometimes be emotionally exhaustive. You just gotta find the ones worth struggling for.

16. Don’t think your life will go exactly as you envisioned when you were in middle school. It won’t. And you’ll be disappointed. Even though it would be SOOOO nice if it did. Do not feel bad for kicking toxic people out of your life. You are not entitled to keep anyone even though if they suffocate you.

17. Instagram lives are not real life. Let’s see what really goes on behind that filter. Graduating from college is scary. Equally amazing and terrifying. Don’t worry if you don’t have the perfect job the day you graduate. It will come. Eventually. Stop comparing. Nobody else can be YOU. Take care of yourself.

18. You only get one body to last you. Self love is sooooo important. Pamper, nurture, and nourish yourself. Always. Relationships of all kinds are hard. You have to work at them. Most friendships break because of the most trivial misunderstandings. Nobody makes an effort to sort it out and the silence worsens it further. Misunderstandings do more harm than you can imagine. Never leave things unsaid.

19. You won’t get along with everyone. That’s ok. Family is forever. Friends will come and go. Remember that. Stop worrying. It doesn’t ever make anything better.

20. No one wants to be the person who wakes up every morning and dreads going to work. I want to wake up excited to go to work; I want to love what I do. If you feel like you aren’t on a path toward happiness, do something about it. The only thing worse than quitting is waiting too long to quit. Remember to express gratitude daily. Be appreciative and thankful. There will always be people who will try to take advantage of you. Set clear boundaries and don’t let it happen.

21. It’s not always that you’ll find your best friends by your side. There will be times they’re not around when you need them the most. Sometimes, they may have a genuine reason and other times, they may just be bailing out on you.

22. There are so many more lessons to learn and the best is yet to come!

I hope we all heal,
I wish, I do,
Because,
some spaces never fill,
just like some memories
that never fade,
and some voids
and some feelings
which stab forever;
and always stay empty,
the kind of empty which has
nothing to do with absence,
and everything with indifference.

Love,
H.

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11 thoughts on “Retrospect

  1. Hira, I very much adore you for this post. It’s amazing and my heart is crying inside. It’s really positive. I think I can tell you really have been reflecting over life. And all these lessons you learnt, I agree with each and every one of them hundred percent.
    I was about to do a post about this year over all too, you know. I think it’s very common for people to sit and reflect over the year as it ends.
    I’ve learnt a lot and a lot of the lessons I learnt are here present in YOUR lessons.
    Life happens and happens really bad sometimes, but sometimes I’m just glad that it does. It teaches the most mind blowing and heart warming things and I’m glad that life happened to you in a way where you learnt these mind blowing things.
    I literally feel something in my heart right now and I cannot put it on words.
    Let me adopt you so I can comfortably say “IM PROUD OF YOU”. I really am 🙂
    And wow I was right. You really do love Cheetos 🙂
    I really hope that life goes well for you throughout. May Allah always bless you and keep you under the shade of his mercy and love.
    Take lots of care. x
    – Hiba.

    • Thank you so much for your wonderful comment, Hiba, for always being around, for checking on me when I am away, for the love, support and everything you give. It has been a long journey with you. Ever since I started this blog till now; you have been there like a rock, appreciating where I did great and advising where I touched the lows. I can not put in words how happy I feel everytime I come across something from you. Your words give me hope. Your support and love means everything. I love you, so much. I value you. I cherish you.

      I hope you always stick around and I hope I get to know you more closely.

      • You say those kind of things to me and I’m just dumbstruck…
        But I know right? I’m amazing! 🙂
        No but on a serious note, you’re one of the people that I really adore and it was a privilege getting to know you in the way that wordpress allows.

  2. I got been there, done that moments reading this… 3 years seem so far now and it all keeps changing, I wonder if it will be an old chair where I’ll finally feel things have stopped moving too fast.

    Brace yourself.

  3. Best thing i read this week!
    We lose people but we should never shut doors for the new ones. Kia pta koi acha dost mil hi jae.
    I appreciate your view about life, not many people understand it.

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