Until next time.

So, it has been there for quite a while by now. I am having a lot on the stack and it is time to pause everything. Hence here it is; a little farewell to all the social activities, the multi tasking, the other engagements and comittments, socializing and above all, writing and this sphere. Time to focus and look upon the things that matter the most, to prioritize the priorities, to breath in deeply, to be determined and just concentrate on things that come above all. I have this thing; every now and then I need to isolate a little and get my tasks aligned, get a hang of life and be on track. Guess it is that time again, to take a break from the usual. And be back to the real grounds.

See you somewhere, sometime in 2016, if God wills.

Goodluck for everything you do. Sending love & positive vibes.

 

Here are the points I am having 2015 being ended with. Hoping the coming year proves to be the best in every regard. (I realized, I have started loving to do these “points” posts recently.. Writing so gives me a sense of clarity.)

 

1. Sometimes the only thing in your way is you (move).

 

2. You should know this by now: People will always surprise you. You are never the only one – ever. There is someone who feels the same as you (about anything, about everything), someone who will be there when you call at 2 am. People will surprise you – let them. Your best friend, the one you have known for years, believed in more than your ownself will disappoint you severely at one point, doubt you, question you – it will break your heart, shatter your courage, destroy your strength; it is okay, get a grip. People fuck up majorly. We have to be calm.

 

3. Sad truth: You will blink and the moment will be gone. So you can choose: document or be in (or both, but you’ve never been great at multitasking). Either way, don’t forget to live. Lol. There is always hope. It never goes, really.

 

4. Some days are harder than others; some weeks, some months. That’s just the way it is. But you will have family, and friends, and God, and kind strangers, and good books, and sunrises, and thunderstorms and green tea and Tennis – it will be hard, but you will be okay. The kind of okay that will not hurt.

 

5. Okay is enough. It will sometimes feel like you need to be doing more than okay, better than okay. But sometimes just okay is enough (sometimes it has to be). Leave nice, selfless comments on people’s social media posts; strangers and friends alike. It will make your heart warm and light, and I guarantee, no matter who they are, it will make their day.

 

6. Simple math: if you give everything and receive nothing you will be empty and exhausted. Use your words wisely. some people deserve paragraphs; essays, handwritten letters, poems in which the title bears only their name. But others, the ones who take and do not give, the ones that use and use and use, they barely deserve a sentence – do not waste your ink on them. Your daydreams are never reality. (There will be days when they come very close)

 

7. Change is inevitable. You can’t stop it, find a way to deal with it (dance in the dark, dance in broad daylight, cry until you have emptied your soul, scream your curses against the universe, sing about the lonely that is eating you from the inside out – SING. Make mixtapes full of songs that still mean something, write letters you actually send, close your eyes and pretend), do whatever you have to do. Deal with it. (Safely. Please be kind to yourself and stay safe).

 

8. Drink water. Oh man, drink so much water. Please stop feeding your body bullshit junk. Eat healthy. And workout. I mean, move a little. Don’t be  sitting idle in bed all day long dumping trash inside yourself.

 

9. Don’t be so afraid to love. You will get your heartbroken. That jerk will be indifferent about it and would not care. Cry. It is okay. Sulk about him. Write sad notes. Nurture yourself. Embrace your pain. But move on. Don’t be devastated. Collect your pieces. The one your soul is made for will come, maybe late, but he will.

10. Not everything is meant to be poetry. (Really)

 

11. Talk to people, don’t let regret pile up only to find out it was all a misunderstanding. Don’t allow close friends or mutual friends to come in. Step ahead. Resolve it yourself. Don’t rely on them to solve it. They really donot bother. They don’t give a shit. I can guarantee.

 

12. You have a voice, a beautiful voice. you have things to say, and you have the means to say them. Fear is overrated; you have a voice – use it.

 

13. You are alive. You are full of LOVE; you have in you the beauty that makes up sunrises, and sunsets, and mid-day shadows, and autumn leaves, and fields of wildflowers, and blurry pictures, and the emotion which will make him feel important only because he has you in life. You are alive, dear, you are a proof that empty can be full, that hopeless can be turned hopeful. All the light that a full moon exists to reflect is carried within you; you hold a world of possibilities. Breathe in and let the air shock your lungs; don’t ever forget, don’t ever forget – you are alive, and you are enough and you can tolerate beyond imagination, you are strong.

 

14. One evening you will sit along your old window, enjoying tea and you will reflect over all the things gone; you will look at some people and think, that is such a bad decision. Then you will look upon others and realize, that is better. The good ones are there to make you realize you can make mistakes in the form of bad ones and then learn from them; just be contended.

15. Your parents are really important people in your life. You spent most of your teenage years shutting them out, only to realize they were all you’ve ever had. Tell your parents you love them. When you feel like you are devastated and when everyone pushes you down; only your family stays. Your parents and your siblings, that is all.

 

16. If a person in your life is toxic, cut them out. Stop trying to message them. Stop trying to get their attention. Leave them be. One day they will see they lost a great friend, but you’re not going back. And you don’t have to feel bad about it. Learn to say a NO. Like, Hey! I am busy and I can not do the xyz task. (Simple)

 

17. Sometimes you lose control, and it’s okay. Just don’t stay in your aloof state of mind. Lie down. Take a nap. Come back to reality when you are ready, but please don’t be gone long.

 

18. Have your priorities aligned. Don’t be the person half an hour before a paper is due, frantically running around the library trying to finish. Plan ahead. Be ahead. Have stability.

 

19. Give it your all. Anything and everything. You’re young, and you don’t have time to waste. Love that boy or girl with all your heart. Text your best friend until she answers. Stay up late to finish your paper. Whatever you do in life, do it fully.

 

20. Leave nothing unfinished. Relationships. Assignments. Finish all of it.

 

21. Take a deep breath and expand your horizons. Get out of your comfort zone for a bit. Do not sit back and watch everyone participate in life because you are scared. Indulge in the world around you.

 

22. Be emotional. Have emotions. Feel. Feel everything. But don’t throw them around. Just be intact.

 

23. If you spend your entire summer eating fried food and ice cream, you will notice you’re a little heavier this winter than last. Do something about it. Drink 8 glasses of water, do your damn squats, and never stop trying.

 

24. Don’t forget your purpose. Just because you’ve graduated and moved on to other things, doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy the things you used to. Don’t forget your passions, do not leave them behind. You will lose a part of yourself, and spend forever trying to get it back.

 

25. Don’t fry your hair every day with a hair iron. Don’t squeeze your thighs everyday in tight clothing. Don’t bother coating your eye lid in shiny powder everyday. It’s okay to throw your hair up and say “Fuck it.” No one is judging you like you used to believe. If he loves you for the way you look; leave it, this is not the right one.

 

26. Stop placing people in boxes. Stop judging them. Stop making assumptions. Be compassionate.

 

27. Don’t keep those old texts, pictures, screenshots and other things that continue on taking you back to square one. Stop thinking about him in every moment and stop relating every damn thing to him, later on stalking him secretly and then sulking for hours as in how it didn’t work between you two. There is no peace in torturing yourself.

 

28. Don’t be readily available for everyone. Some people deserve your immediate response, others don’t. Learn to be less available for people.

 

29. Just forgive them. Don’t forget. But forgive that damned person, free yourself from the burden, brush it away; move on. (Yes, don’t forget.)

 

30. A lot changed in one year, and that’s okay. It’s okay things are different. Nothing ever stays the same. When you enter in the new year take a deep breath and know that you will be alright. There is nothing to fear, look at how far you’ve come.

There will be many times when you will feel that medical school is killing you (I feel so too, we all do); dust away that feel, have your motivation and keep moving because it is worth it.

Goodbye.

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6 thoughts on “Until next time.

  1. I can relate to the part about you needing constant breaks in every little while.
    Literally, I’m the same.
    I go MIA sometimes for weeks, sometimes for months and sometimes for years. Not even kidding.
    And later at some point, I pick my motivation up from the gutter and wash it and clean it and try to make it work. And it works some, but it breaks down every now and then and I have to push myself to try and fix it or to just keep using that damaged broken motivation, and for the most part, it’s bearable…
    So I cut even the best people out and then after putting my strength and motivation in place, I get back to them and it overwhelms me every time how lucky I am to have people that understanding in my life. Those that scold me for trying to apologize for having needed a break…
    And sometimes I think I shouldn’t do that to them. It’s the thought of those people that often pushes me to continue living my life the way any normal person is supposed to.
    And all these points that you’ve suggested are very positive and in a way uplifting. These are the things I remind myself about consistently. And with each and every one of those points, I agree with all my heart.
    Somehow your genuine presence on wordpress is a very heart warming one. So while you’re gone, you will be missed by us. And especially by me. But while you’re gone, I hope you gather yourself and live healthy and live positive.
    And always be kind to yourself. Just like you said above.
    Take care.

    – Hiba

  2. God, I love this. Found your blog is the most random way- via a mangosinmanhattan post… Started a more public blog myself; I had a private one where I’d reflect on the woes of medical school and a terrible headspace but now this one is where I write pieces before bed, or while I’m out. Looking forward to going through more of your posts soon
    Lots of love,
    Shanzay

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