Sigh

For years,
I fought recklessly
to fit my bones into the skeleton
that will tempt you the most.

Those summer afternoons spent,
Struggling in front of the mirror
rubbing my mascara & blush
drawing the image you wanted to see.

Through springs & winters,
Fighting depression, tears
relapses, anxiety and more –
dangling in a vicious cycle.

All this labour, facade & pain,
Just to be liked by you
so the false wave of acceptance
from your gaze,
surging down my empty spine
could comfort me to the core.

And even though I beg you,
For your love & touch
my insecure parts are still aching
in the same bony cage,
unfed & despised – the scars shine brightly.

So, do I collect myself?
Gather all these pieces
jot into one whole human
stand tall on my own.

Or do I return back?
To the same misery
that connects me to you
feeds my doubts
leaves me crippled for days
my limbs numb & feelings dead.

The night is dark
heart – broken
spark – crimson
waves – silent
but somebody whispers,
so much to endure just in the name of love.

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